In the samples, text colored light red indicates text that was removed and text colored light green indicates something that was changed during the editing process.
Project Title: Annual Wonderscape Races: Snowglobe Mountain
By Dustin Heavilin
Project Type: Middle Grade Children's Chapter Book
Original
Devin realized it was a mistake. The alarm sound that started the clock could only mean something bad. The glowing numbers began to count backward from two minutes. Devin and Lacey looked at each other in confusion. Samson leaped into the air with tremendous speed before landing. He vanished through the hole in the wall to somewhere far below.
“Weeeeeeee!”
His yell gradually softened into silence. And then, he was gone. The clock remained to count down: 1:48, 1:47 … Devin dropped his tickets with the realization that this room was a trap. Fearing the clock was a warning too, Devin approached Lacey.
“What do you think happens when the clock reaches zero?”
“I’m not sure, Devin, but I don’t want to be around here to find out.”
They both spun around and raced back around the corner wall, through the machines and arcade games. It felt as if they were running in slow motion back to the darkened tunnel. The ticking of the clock continued.
Twenty-three, twenty-two, twenty-one …
Lacey and Devin squeezed between the shrinking tunnel walls, hoping not to be crushed as the space closed in around them.
Four, three, two …
The squealing of metal from the hinges shook the mountain as the door began to slam shut. Hubert the Polar Bear stood calmly as a chunk of snow fell onto his shoulder. With a swift swipe, Hubert brushed the frozen flakes off his shoulder.
Edited
Devin realized Samson had made a mistake. The glowing numbers began to count backward from two minutes. Devin and Lacey looked at each other in confusion as Samson grabbed a sled at the top of the dinosaur. He leaped into the air with tremendous speed before landing onto the slide.
“Wheeeeeeee!”
His yell gradually softened into silence. His voice vanished through the hole in the wall to somewhere far below. And then, silence. He was gone. The clock remained counting down: 1:48, 1:47 … Devin dropped the tickets from his hands, realizing the entire room was a trap. Fearing the clock was a warning, Devin approached Lacey.
“What do you think happens when the clock reaches zero?”
“I’m not sure, Devin, but I don’t want to be here to find out.”
They both turned on a dime and raced back around the corner wall, through the machines and arcade games. It felt as if they were running in slow motion back to the darkened tunnel. The ticking of the clock continued.
Twenty-three, twenty-two, twenty-one …
Lacey and Devin squeezed between the shrinking tunnel walls, hoping not to be crushed as the space closed in around them.
Four, three, two …
The squealing of rusty metal hinges shook the mountain as the door slammed shut. Hubert the Polar Bear stood calmly as a chunk of snow fell onto his shoulder. With a swift swipe, Hubert brushed the frozen flakes off his shoulder.
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